About Me

(UNDER CONSTRUCTION! YAY!)

I’ve realized something as of late. I’m not who I thought I was.

I’ve always self-identified as ‘someone who cared.’ Someone who meant to do decent things in the world, and as such, I got jobs that loosely fit that description. I’ve worked, for the last 10 years, at organizations I thought did “good” things in the world, and, while I never really found the perfect fit, I felt assured that I wasn’t having a negative impact on the world in general.

But in all my time at these places, I was never sure I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. Or, more exactly – maybe I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, but it wasn’t really what I was meant to be doing.

Because in the end, I think maybe I’m not quite the person I’ve always thought I was (or felt I should be). I think I’ve been acting as Person A, when quite possibly, I’m Person B — Or maybe I’m person AB. Let me explain:

Let’s say “A” is this: a person who cares about the world and wants to do something to make it slightly better than they found it.

And, let’s say “B” is this: a person who is creative, fiercely independent, and determined to live a life of passion and joy.

I believe, for a long time, I’ve been primarily trying to act as Person A — when maybe I’m more of Person B. Or maybe I’m both (again, I’m experiencing an early-life crisis here) — But while I’ve acted primarily as Person A, person B has been growing restless and agitated, until they exploded into a fit of job-quitting and plane-ticket buying.

Because lately, I’ve began to wonder if I might not be ultimately more productive as a person if I allow myself to be both “A” and “B…” Because by solely being “A,” out of a conflicted sense of what’s right and what I ‘should’ do, I failed, a bit, at being such. My heart has only partly been in A’s court these last 10 years.

What if Joseph Campbell was right when he said to “follow our bliss?” What if he was right when he said that we as humans are most successful in the world when we follow that which truly speaks to us, that which calls to us at the very deepest reaches of our hearts?

I don’t know the answer yet – but I know the only way to find out is to try, and that’s exactly what I’m doing.

I recently watched JK Rowling’s Harvard Commencement speech, where she talks about failure and imagination. It’s a brilliant, moving speech — one that encourages us to try, to fail, and to be honest with ourselves about who we really are:

If you don’t get through it, I believe one of the most compelling statements in the speech is this: “It is impossible to live without failing at something.”

Maybe this is my chance for spectacular failure – or maybe, just maybe, it’s my chance at doing something truly great – at finding the medium between the different parts of myself, parts A and B, and figuring out how to operate well and decently in this world while being both of these things. So here’s to trying, to potentially failing, and to being better for it.

And, if you want to know more about my background/what I can do, you know, job-wise: Check out my resume page.

Comments
11 Responses to “About Me”
  1. ingrid says:

    dear speck, even if nothing else comes of this great experiment (though of course it will), this page has been lovely & supportive for me to read at this point in my life.
    thank you.

    -ingrid

    • Ingrid – Glad to hear it. It’s been interesting – A lot of people seem to relate to this post. I guess we are all trying to figure out how to live happy, fulfilling lives, and strike a balance between what we need to do and are supposed to do, in the end. I hope I’ll see you on the other end of this trip – I’m sure to hit up the West Coast after my travels…

  2. Gretchen says:

    Sarah – I can COMPLETELY identify with the struggle you describe. You might just inspire me to take a similar leap of faith. It was great to see you at reunion. If your trekking ever brings you to Montana, I’d be delighted to show you around.

  3. Nicole Allegra Miceli says:

    Sounds like you are actually REALLY clear Sarah about where you’ve been and where you need to head and how you truly need to live your life…..sounds yummy. A post-Saturn’s Return sounds just right where you are.

    Be well my love and enjoy…

  4. Kate Wolf says:

    Sara!! Congratulations and safe journey! I, too, am in what I’ve been calling an existential crisis and am going to travel in SE Asia for a bit. Maybe our paths will cross at some point. All the best,
    Kate

  5. pirano says:

    Just because others choose to call whatever you’re feeling/going through a ‘crisis’, that doesn’t mean it is. 🙂

    Just found your site surfing through some tags – best of luck to you and will try to keep up. Maybe you’ll help with the planning for mine, which is one year from today.

  6. Kate says:

    Hi there! I just discovered your site and am so glad that I did, it is fantastic. Can’t wait to read more about your journey. Good luck.

  7. Hi,
    I just sign up your blog for different reasons.
    We like the same thing (photography and traval), your blog is really well done (I’m thinking of taking some ideas to change mine, if you please) and above all we are the same age 🙂
    Se you soon…

  8. Kim says:

    Sarah,

    All I can say is that I completely understand. I’ve been working in the environmental field for 8 years as person A and the whole time person B was kicking around inside my chest begging to be recognized. It got to the point where person B screamed so loud I couldn’t help but hear it, and I decided that person B was the person I really wanted to be and that I could still carry the values that meant so much to be as person A into the life I want to live as person B.

    So, I, too, have quit my job (well… 10 weeks left, but I’ve put in my resignation) and will leave to travel the world. My goal is to live a life of passion, creativity and joy. I want to vibrate, if you know what I mean. In fact, I think I’ve already started 🙂

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